Sometimes you got so much to say, so many thoughts on your mind and so many things going on that you don't know where to start and how to find the right words… And then you decide to just say nothing at all. That’s what I’ve done the last 6 months.
I also got so many projects going on that there’s always something to do. That’s why I kept postponing writing blogposts & doing some real talk on here. I know that this was not right & I’m honestly sorry for that..
So I’ve experienced tons of wonderful moments & lots of happiness during the last months. I also had tons of situations that I would have never seen myself in - in a bad way - during the time of not writing here. I kinda wanted to talk about it - but somehow I always found myself between those endless questions of sharing it to the world vs. keeping it silent. Because I know that if I’m writing to you - my community - I’m also letting this read people who don't wish me sth good, persons close to me who will wonder why I’m opening up on here & of course, the press. And I know that questions will appear in interviews..
That’s why I decided to say nothing at all and focus on other parts of my life, other projects and other tasks. But as we all know, not talking about something doesn't mean you forget about it.
PLUS I always gather myself up and realize that my problems could be worse. I’m living an extremely privileged life that I’m unbelievably thankful for! I wouldn't want to swap my life with anyone. I’m living my dream and exploring the world. Of course this also includes a certain level of luxury by now. I’m offered to stay in hotels that cost a fortune, I get upgraded to business class out of nowhere. I do not take this for granted and I definitely know where I come from. I feel like a happy little kid when something like this happens and I allow myself to enjoy it. That doesn't mean that I lost touch with reality or normality… just to put some bad comments straight :)
Back to my feelings (lol)… In the world of Instagram with all that happiness, positivity and beauty (which is also what Instagram is about) you still you have to allow yourself to not be so „strong“ from time to time. To burst out in tears and confront yourself with your problems and situations that put too much weight on your shoulders. I'm only 21 and I also struggle with topics like love, friendship and trust. People that you loved or trusted turn out to be or feel different & suddenly nothing's the same. We all know that pain... We can't change the behavior or feelings of somebody else & even though it might not make sense to us we have to keep our head high, swipe away the tears and learn to accept. And trust me, it hits you so hard when you’re traveling, being far away from your family. Looking up to the sky on a different continent, in complete silence and know that everybody else close to you is suddenly thousands of kilometers away. I think I heard every single Sam Smith & James Arthur song about 100 times haha. Those lyricsssss.. This is still something I don't feel super confident talking about on here. Even now I can’t even see the letters on the screen clearly because of the tears in my eyes haha. I guess you can relate .. <3
When I said „I found myself in situations that I never saw myself in“ earlier in my text I was referring to my job. As some of you know I split up from my management a couple of months ago because of personal issues between me & them. Management in my job is something really intense and close, you have to deal with it on a daily basis and therefore you can't just pretend something wouldn’t exist if you have issues. But sometimes in life your opinion doesn't match the one of the other side & the next day you find yourself in legal problems. Of course this shouldn't bring you down but I guess it’s clear that it still somehow matters because you have to spend your time dealing with it.
I guess I didn't say half of the stuff that was on my mind .. but at least I broke the silence on here. Let’s see how this will continue but I hope you understand that it can be hard to make everybody happy, to fulfill all of your tasks, struggle with „teenie“ problems, deal with the pressure of your job and still focus on yourself.
Life can be tough but remember, diamonds are made under pressure .. haha